This is a story of mine.
I have always lived a life of comparison. How could I not? My parents are both multi-talented in their own ways. I was born along with my younger brother, and we were compared with each other right after my first breath.
For every mistake that I've done in the past, I remembered the first thing people told me; "Ian didn't do it, why did you do that?" or "Ian can do it well. Why can't you?". It somehow created a mindset that something is not considered right/wrong/good/bad in itself, but when it is juxtaposed with what other people do. As a result, I have grown into a person who constantly compared himself with others. Not only to my brother, but to everyone I see as an equal, be it classmate, friends, siblings, or colleagues.
It was very stressful to be that kind of person. In many ways, I have always felt ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of powerless I am when compared with my friends who constantly inspired other people, develop their abundant stocks of talents, and who can impress other people with "populist" talents. Seeing someone who has everything breaks my heart, not because I hate the person, but because I can see myself standing there being completely pathetic in comparison. That voice in my head kept on telling me that I will never be as good as him/her. It told me that all of my ambition to surpass him/her will be futile. That voice makes me doubt myself in every possible way.
I think it's time to stop imposing other people's standard on myself. I know whose standard can be burdened on me, and I refuse to take more burden than what I can bear. Bear in mind that I'm not giving up. It's just that know I realize; I can win in my own way.
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